Empowered versus Determined

Last week, I didn't feel empowered until the very end of the week.  But when I saw that this week's word was determined, I saw an interesting connection.

I have read a lot of comments from this study on blogs and on Facebook.  Some of you don't think you can take this journey and are somewhat discouraged.  All last week I struggled with the question of whether or not I really wanted to put in the work to put God above my cravings for food.  Because of that, I didn't feel empowered.  

Here's what the dictionary says:

Empowered:  to give power or authority to; 

So basically last week' s word lets us know that any of us who are living in defeat because we are overweight have a choice as to whether we want to continue living in defeat or if we want God to help us break that cycle.  Being empowered means we have a choice.  There is hope for us.  I suspect to a lot of us, knowing we aren't destined to stay in the condition we are in was very good news.

I was so caught up in making the decision that I didn't fully appreciate the hope God was offering.  I did well on my eating and started to enjoy feeling better because of it.  I became more aware of how I was a slave to food.  I think some of you struggle because you have so much weight to lose that it looks daunting.  For me, I was rationalizing that I'm not that big, so I don't really need this.  But I do need this because I have been gaining weight and turning to food instead of to God.  I needed to stop that cycle.  I could choose to face my problem now or wait until it would become even harder to lose. 

I knew I needed to get off the fence, but it was hard.  These verses kept coming to mind:

James 1 And if, in the process, any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem he has only to ask God—who gives generously to all men without making them feel foolish or guilty—and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him. But he must ask in sincere faith without secret doubts as to whether he really wants God’s help or not. The man who trusts God, but with inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. That sort of man cannot hope to receive anything from God, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn.

Sometime near the end of the week, I made the commitment... I'm REALLY in now!  I want to please God with my eating.  I want His help and I'm willing to set goals, get friends to hold me accountable, flee from temptation, pray for help prior to situations, make a plan, etc.  I don't have secret doubts and I don't have inward reservations  and I don't want to be like a wave.  I don't want to have divided loyalty or instability.

So determination for me represents my decision to take advantage of God's empowering me to put Him in first place in my life above food.

Praying Through My Cravings

We learned this week to pray about our cravings.  What does that look like?  My initial picture of it was something like this:
O Lord, thou art all powerful.  Please remove my cravings.  In Jesus name.  Amen

As I was reading through the Proverbs31 blog about people doing that, my first thought to myself was: you dummy, you forgot to pray.

But then I realized that wasn't what happened at all today.  God and I had a running conversation all afternoon.  It went something like this:

Me:  God, I've eaten well for a week now.  Don't you think it's time for me to reward myself?  I don't need to lose that much weight.

God:  You have sisters in Christ who really need to do this and you have to stand strong for them.

Me:  I would really like to get Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner tonight.

God:  Does that mean with mashed potatoes and biscuits!

Me:  Oh yeah.  All of it sounds delicious.

God:  That's an awful lot of calories and would be a pretty big cheat.

Me:  Well, maybe I could eat a healthy dinner and then have pudding for dessert.

God:  Shouldn't you hold off on dessert until the weekend when your husband is home and can enjoy it with you?  In fact, what if you went to the grocery store and bought one of those precooked chicken piece packages?  Then you could get healthier sides.

Me:  That's a good idea.  We still need to negotiate on the dessert.

At the grocery store:
God:  OK.  Take a look at the pudding you want.  You usually eat what...half a package?  How many carbs is that?

Me:  Hmmm 22 times 2 servings =44.  OMG.  I had no idea it was so many.  That is way too many for me to eat.  I'll have to find something more reasonable.

God:  Good idea.  You have done well tonight.

Psalm 84:2

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (Psalm 84:2 NIV)
I desperately want to be in the courts of the Lord ’s temple. My heart and my entire being shout for joy to the living God. (Psalms 84:2 NET)

Soul:  the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
Yearn:  to have an earnest or strong desire;
Faint:  feeling weak, dizzy, or exhausted; about to lose consciousness: faint with hunger.
Court:  the residence of a sovereign or other high dignitary; palace.
Heart:  
1.  the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion: In your heart you know I'm an honest man.
2.  the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect: His head told him not to fall in love, but his heart had the final say.
3.  capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection: His heart moved him to help the needy.
4.  spirit, courage, or enthusiasm: His heart sank when he walked into the room and saw their gloomy faces.
5.  the innermost or central part of anything: Notre Dame stands in the very heart of Paris.
6.  the vital or essential part; core: the heart of the matter.
Cry:  to utter or pronounce loudly; call out. Or to beg or plead for; implore: to cry mercy.

Here is my paraphrase of the verse:
My desire for The Lord is so strong and focused even to the point of feeling weak physically just for His dwelling place.  My heart, the inner part of me and my flesh, the outer part of me plead for the living God.

In my life, this is a hard concept to grasp.  My physical needs are met when they are just wants, way before they become needs.  This Made to Crave study is helping me understand this concept in a very real way by changing my eating habits.  Yesterday even though I knew that I wasn't hungry, all day my mind kept going back to food.  I would find myself gravitating towards the refrigerator and then resisting.  I guess you could call the refrigerator the dwelling place or court of food!  In this verse, it says my longing for God should be strong like my desire for food was yesterday, and even stronger.  More like my desire was yesterday and being hungry at the same time, since the verse talks about the desire being so strong that I have physical symptoms.  I think the journey we are embarking on is like a modern version of monks in a monestary where they deprive themselves to get closer to God.

I looked at two translations because to me they convey different ideas: cry out for the living God versus shout for joy to the living God.  One seems in desperation and the other seems in triumph.  I think both are valid....maybe one represents us at the beginning of the study and one at the end.

Sometimes it is hard for me in doing a Bible Study with a group to keep my focus on God and not get distracted by the group,  I need to keep reminding myself that God wants my undivided attention and love.  I pray that I will get closer and closer to God so that I can make this verse my personal prayer.

Made to Crave -- Let's get started

I was minding my own business scanning through Facebook when I saw a link to this Made to Crave online Bible study.  I usually ignore anything that isn't about my grandchildren, but this caught my eye.  It sounded like an answer to prayer to me.

Yes, it is kind of about losing weight, yes I have gained too much weight this past year and need to lose some, but no that isn't what I had been praying about and no that isn't what appealed to me at first.

I was praying about how to get closer to God and about finding some Christian friends I could get close to.  I could go to a real Bible Study, but I'm tired after work and never seem to have the motivation to go out.  I can't explain exactly how I knew this was an answer to my prayers or even how an online study would help me have more social contacts, but I had no doubt this is what God wanted me to do so I signed up.

I also had no intention of creating a blog.  I read about the blogging, but figured I would just listen.  I am a computer programmer by profession, so I'm comfortable with technology, but a blog?  Isn't that a bit much.

Then I got the email about the study starting in 2 days and I had some opinions about what it said.  So here I am.  I now have a blog.  So welcome to my blog. Only time will tell if I end up using it or not.